BrainStream

I've already posted about this once to friends-only but I promised to do a public post on utilizing me as a means for helping you find a new job.

That being said, feel free to pass this around but do note that family and immediate friends will have to take first priority. I will do my best with everyone I can who has needs - I want to help as it is my nature.

So - the key to this? LinkedIn.
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I think that covers everything. Go ahead, fill out the poll, and do feel free to spread the post around. Provided I don't get absolutely overwhelmed with responses, I will do what I can to help - just remember if you're serious, I do get distracted and can lose focus. Not staying in touch with me will make me think my services are not truly needed.

I will note a lot of this information is confidential and personal. That is why I set it up so only I can see the responses. I will understand if you choose not to fill those parts out. Feel free to email me off-journal via bkdelong@pobox.com with a subject of "bkdelong LiveJournal Job Survey details" if you'd like to include that information.

In my day job, we have a non-signature binding statement of confidentiality that everyone in the community subscribes to. I hold that same confidentiality to any information shared here unless I ask and receive your permission to share said information.

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Love Hard, Love True, Love Always
by Ben DeLong on Thursday, February 14, 2013 at 12:17pm

I am one of those people who struggles a bit on Valentine's Day - astrologically I am a Taurus and Libra Rising with both signs rules by Venus, planet of Love and Relationships. Don't forget that last word. I am the stereotypical romantic, sentimentalist: I remember songs, tastes, smells and most certainly emotions from moments in time. I strive to choose gifts from the heart that I know will have great meaning to the recipient, regardless of my relationship to them and it took a while before I learned that I needed to give with love unconditionally so that I would not be heartbroken when I would not get love back.

I read a great article about the 5 types of affection - verbal expressions, quality time, gifts, service, and touch. Any relationship needs a good, truthful balance of some or all of these to sustain itself. But it doesn't have to be equal and it don't have to include all of them - every person has different needs and expectations within a relationship and communications regarding those needs are absolutely key to make sure one partner is not spinning their wheels on one form of affection the other is not fulfilled by. You may prefer gifts and quality time but your SO is really content with verbal expressions, service and touch. This is so key

But when I speak of relationships and love - I'm not just talking about romantic partners and lovers either. Today is Valentine's Day - a Hallmark holiday to be sure - so should every day be a balanced expression of your love for those near and dear to you (with the occasional surprises of more than expected to keep things fresh). This includes your friends (especially close ones), extended family, including your kids and significant others. But the one we so often forget most is ourselves.

Yes, expressions of self-love often seem ridiculous, cliche, hard to comprehend and come across as selfish. They may seem cheesy or one wonders where to even start with "loving yourself" when sometimes you have a hard time wondering how others do. Been there - a lot over my life. But then this thought occurred to me:

I'm a big fan of movies- RomComs and good Buddy-Comedies are my favorite, occasionally I'll go for a Drama if it includes a mix of the aforementioned. Big surprise, eh? Those of you who like either of those movies - think about your favorites and the relationships in those movies you love or identify with or wish you had (or do have) with a best friend, sibling, child, parent, or romantic/passionate lover.

Now template that love you see, onto yourself - you know what you want - whether you heard it in a song, read it in a book/graphic novel or saw it in a movie. Be your own best friend, loving parent to your inner child, best brother to your inner sister (nurturing animus/anima) or vice-versa, or romantic/passionate lover. Who knows what you truly want for yourself and (yes, I'm going to go out on a not so unrealistic limb and say) definitely deserve better than you?

Every so often, remind yourself of what you want in life, listen to your favorite songs, watch a few favorite movies, read a few good books and then take yourself out on the best date no ones ever managed to get right or that getaway weekend you've dreamed of going on and live life like you want to live it - because when everyone sees you so happy living, you might catch the eye of those you've been seeking for so long who want to join you for the ride.

And don't forget, somebody out there ALWAYS loves you - ALWAYS. You may not realize it, you may not think so but someone is always holding space in their heart for that person across the room who looks a little sad at a party or work, or the friend going through a rough time that they don't know quite how to help, or their sibling they've lost touch with and haven't found the time to reconnect with, they family they don't see enough, their child whom they will always love unconditionally, and the hard, solid love of friends for life - unseen by many as they go through life and forgotten by the stresses that often overwhelm us all.

You are all loved every day of the year by someone - don't forget to love yourselves too and if any of this rings true, be sure to send some love out to the others in your life who you care deeply for.

Happy Valentine's Day.

It's the last few days to help me raise funds for the "Walk for HAWC" (Healing Abuse Working for Change - a MA-based organization) for domestic violence awareness this Sunday.

Thanks to all who have donated so far - I'm about one-quarter towards my goal though our team has raised quite a bit overall.

I myself have friends and acquaintances who have been the victims of domestic or intimate violence (being inclusive of people in long-term relationships, engaged or even dating). If you know someone who has ever experience abuse or bullying, or if you would like to support me in reaching my goal, every donation (big or small) makes a difference!

Please give what you can or do share and spread the word if you cannot or already have. Thank you for helping us create a safer community.

I have decided to participate in this year's WALK for HAWC - their 20th on May 6th, 2012 - and am hoping to raise $500 for my team. HAWC used to be known as "Help for Abused Women and Children", now "Healing Abuse Working for Change", and I've known too many friends, relatives and acquaintances who have suffered from domestic/intimate violence at all levels - Emotional, Physical, Verbal and even Economic. This year I walk in their honor and memories to raise awareness and funds for the work HAWC does as well as a more general awareness overall.

If you can give - as little as $5 to as much as $100 would be wonderful. Either way, I rely on my friends, family and acquaintances to spread the word for me when I participate in such efforts so - truly - thanks very much in advance for anything you can do.

Let me know if you have any questions.

So there appears to be an outbreak of Norovirus going around - from at least two parties in the Boston area this past weekend. Given there's another large one this weekend, I wanted to post this. I wish you the best and hope those of you ill heal well. If you have read about someone on your Friends List who has a confirmed diagnosis and got ill yourself, please read the CDC FAQ and educate yourself:

• This is a foodborn illness.


• People with norovirus are contagious from the moment they begin feeling ill to at least 3 days [past when symptoms subside]


• Norovirus can spread rapidly in closed environments like daycare centers [and indoor parties].


• Contamination vectors include: Eating food or drinking liquids that have been contaminated, touching contaminated surfaces or objects then touching your mouth, and having direct contact with an infected person through caring for, sharing utensils, food or drink with them.


• Prevention: Wash hands with soap and water while potentially supplementing (not replacing) with a hand sanitizer that contains at least 62% ethanol solution, washing all fruits & vegatables and not letting anyone who shows symptoms prepare food for others until at least 3 days after better, clean all household surfaces with bleach-based cleaner or one made with 5-25 tablespoons of household bleach per 1gal of water and immediately launder any clothes that could have infected biological material on them at the maximum length washer cycle with detergent while machine-drying them.

If you have gotten a diagnosis or were confirmed at the same location as someone who was and got ill yourself, perhaps submit an anonymous report to HealthMap (a joint project by Harvard, BU, MIT and other researchers funded in part by Google) and PLEASE encourage others to do the same.

They also have an iPhone and Android app. Be sure to state in your note whether you had a CONFIRMED diagnosis by a doctor or whether you got sick with a gastro-intestinal "bug" and were at a party with someone who received a confirmed diagnosis. We don't want to skew the statistics here with the telephone game.

This is apparently spreading around Eastern MA but I'm not seeing the vectors. If someone at work, or you know someone with a child who may have been ill..it might be worth mentioning to those folks what's going on.

Take the above-mentioned precautions, be sure you've recovered for at least 3 days prior to attending any public events, and most of all - get better, feel better and be well.

For those of you attending parties, simply follow the precautions and you should be fine.

I am a hapless romantic - as I am known to channel many different aspects of personality, there is a chivalrous part of me that cares about letting each person know in my life how I feel about them on a semi-regular basis.

I'm not the best at it and I tried to make up for it publicly in the annual Confessionals thread that goes around Livejournal.

Let me know if you are doing Valentinr by posting your 100x100 widget in the comments and I would be happy to respond, or send one to me and in the 6hrs or so left, I will do my best to respond in kind.


Get your own valentinr

Yes, I think I would eliminate the concept of Valentine's Day if only I could supplant it with the concept that a single, commercialized holiday should not be the only day out of the year to let your best friends, family and lovers know how extra-special you feel about them. They should know this through regular communication and unexpected surprises throughout the year - even if you pick some other random day or two annually to do something out-of-the-ordinary that shows forward-thinking, careful thought, sentimentality, and how much you care.

All Valentine's Day does (besides boost the revenues of the candy, greeting card, and floral industries) is not only set unrealistic expectations for relationships but it also often brings them out into the light if one partner does not get what they were expecting. It also takes those not in a relationship and perpetuates a set of ideals that aren't necessarily healthy when looking for a sustainable long-term relationship.

Being an emotionally-intuitive person who relies heavily on observation of interaction, semantics, body-language, facial-expression and action you can truly learn a lot by watching what is being said vs what someone's facial expression and body language is saying as well as what they end up doing. You learn a lot about what someone really wants verses what they claim is acceptable.

(Unfortunately, this doesn't always work for me personally as part of the challenge with having strong empathy is it clouds logic and reason so when it comes to something personal, I lose my own abilities to parse...working on that.)

That being said, I've always made an effort when a friend is lonely, depressed, having relationship challenges, struggles seeking someone out or just wants to vent a bit - to be there to listen, to hold space, to siphon off the burden of negative energy that is consuming a bit of their soul and their being so they can feel a little more weightless and a little more functional.

I think when not engaged in my own activities, Valentine's Day seems as good a day as any to make an extra effort - if you want to chat, message me on Livejournal/Facebook, the myriad of IM services listed in my profile, email or SMS via my cell. Let me know if you'd like to talk voice - that's limited during day hours and somewhat in the evening.

I don't have any special training I'm not a psychologist or have any experience as a mediator. I don't claim to be better than anyone else at anything but I seem to have a bit of a knack for fostering a safe environment for allowing people to open up and purge a bit of what's eating them up. If I can do that, why not.

Happy Valentine's Day - let's change the meaning of this sterile, day of consumerism and get a little healthy healing on.

I'd say the Moller Skycar because then I'd no longer have to say the cliche'd "Where's my flying car?". He's been working on models for years and all have seemed fairly functional - waiting for an X-Prize to beat him out.

In reality, I'd like to have one of the new prototype cars coming out this or next year making use of GPS + Speed for Vehicle to Vehicle communication (V2V) to help people stop faster when there's an accident or problem car two to three cars ahead you can't see until too late.

I know the car industry hope to make such a feature standard and build in privacy controls much like the wireless device industry has WRT being able to locate and identify/find you.

I did this last year and I'll do it again. This year I'm doing more preemptive reciprocity and giving friends and those dear to me their own Valentinr notes where I see them.

So however you feel, even if it's just an elementary school Batman & Robin "I'm glad you're my partner in crimefighting", (yes, yes...oh the double-entendres), feel free to pass one my way and I will do the same if I see it.

Egotistical? Attention-seeking? Perhaps. But in soliciting I also find out if you have one as well and I like giving back more than I receive.

So an early Happy Valentine's Day to you:


Get your own valentinr

As seen on the LJs of several acquaintances:

regyt asks: "Why the world doesn't have a meme where everyone leaves screened comments with what they want to say to to the poster but haven't yet for whatever reason -- and I say, indeed, why not? So! Tell me anything you want me to know - about me, about you, about your mom, whatever you like."

I'm allowing anonymous comments and everything is screened. Tell me something you want to tell me, anonymously or not. If you say you want me to unscreen, I will, provided it's in my comfort-zone.

(With the screening turned on, I can't reply without unscreening said message so may replay Out of Band via email, FB or something else.)