Love Hard, Love True, Love Alwaysby Ben DeLong on Thursday, February 14, 2013 at 12:17pm I am one of those people who struggles a bit on Valentine's Day - astrologically I am a Taurus and Libra Rising with both signs rules by Venus, planet of Love and Relationships. Don't forget that last word. I am the stereotypical romantic, sentimentalist: I remember songs, tastes, smells and most certainly emotions from moments in time. I strive to choose gifts from the heart that I know will have great meaning to the recipient, regardless of my relationship to them and it took a while before I learned that I needed to give with love unconditionally so that I would not be heartbroken when I would not get love back.
I read a great article about the 5 types of affection - verbal expressions, quality time, gifts, service, and touch. Any relationship needs a good, truthful balance of some or all of these to sustain itself. But it doesn't have to be equal and it don't have to include all of them - every person has different needs and expectations within a relationship and communications regarding those needs are absolutely key to make sure one partner is not spinning their wheels on one form of affection the other is not fulfilled by. You may prefer gifts and quality time but your SO is really content with verbal expressions, service and touch. This is so key
But when I speak of relationships and love - I'm not just talking about romantic partners and lovers either. Today is Valentine's Day - a Hallmark holiday to be sure - so should every day be a balanced expression of your love for those near and dear to you (with the occasional surprises of more than expected to keep things fresh). This includes your friends (especially close ones), extended family, including your kids and significant others. But the one we so often forget most is ourselves.
Yes, expressions of self-love often seem ridiculous, cliche, hard to comprehend and come across as selfish. They may seem cheesy or one wonders where to even start with "loving yourself" when sometimes you have a hard time wondering how others do. Been there - a lot over my life. But then this thought occurred to me:
I'm a big fan of movies- RomComs and good Buddy-Comedies are my favorite, occasionally I'll go for a Drama if it includes a mix of the aforementioned. Big surprise, eh? Those of you who like either of those movies - think about your favorites and the relationships in those movies you love or identify with or wish you had (or do have) with a best friend, sibling, child, parent, or romantic/passionate lover.
Now template that love you see, onto yourself - you know what you want - whether you heard it in a song, read it in a book/graphic novel or saw it in a movie. Be your own best friend, loving parent to your inner child, best brother to your inner sister (nurturing animus/anima) or vice-versa, or romantic/passionate lover. Who knows what you truly want for yourself and (yes, I'm going to go out on a not so unrealistic limb and say) definitely deserve better than you?
Every so often, remind yourself of what you want in life, listen to your favorite songs, watch a few favorite movies, read a few good books and then take yourself out on the best date no ones ever managed to get right or that getaway weekend you've dreamed of going on and live life like you want to live it - because when everyone sees you so happy living, you might catch the eye of those you've been seeking for so long who want to join you for the ride.
And don't forget, somebody out there ALWAYS loves you - ALWAYS. You may not realize it, you may not think so but someone is always holding space in their heart for that person across the room who looks a little sad at a party or work, or the friend going through a rough time that they don't know quite how to help, or their sibling they've lost touch with and haven't found the time to reconnect with, they family they don't see enough, their child whom they will always love unconditionally, and the hard, solid love of friends for life - unseen by many as they go through life and forgotten by the stresses that often overwhelm us all.
You are all loved every day of the year by someone - don't forget to love yourselves too and if any of this rings true, be sure to send some love out to the others in your life who you care deeply for.
Happy Valentine's Day.
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